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[weatherornot]

The incessant beep... beep... of the machines got really old, really fast. Considering that's all she'd really been hearing the past few days she was really tired of them. She'd even just unplugged them once but that brought everyone rushing into her room, freaking out. So silencing them that way was a big no.

They'd finally let her have her phone so she could listen to music but the battery had run out on that and her mom had headed back home before Genevieve could ask her for a new one. She couldn't even text anyone to ask them to bring one because she had no phone and couldn't call because she didn't know anyone's numbers.

So it had been super, super boring on top of the beeping crazy. Nothing to do but think. Think about how she was not dead. And wasn't going to die, at least no faster than anyone else. She'd had one seizure since she was here and that super sucked. The doctors said she'd probably have them for the rest of her life but they were manageable, especially with medication.

Most people would be happy to be alive but Genevieve was... conflicted. She'd never planned on living a long, full life. She should be dead. Completely dead and passed on. But she wasn't and she had no clue how to deal with that. How were you supposed to deal with the potential to have hopes and dreams and long term plans when you never had that before?

Normally she just ran from that sort of thing because hey, she wasn't going to be around for very long. So no problem. Unless the problem was that now you were going to be around for a long time. So you couldn't really run.

"Ugh, this all sucks," she huffed, flopping back in her bed. "Stupid futures and stuff. Also, no one tells you how much weight you lose when you're in a coma. I feel like I'm down a whole cup size or something, this sucks."

[OOC: Genevieve is awake from her coma after saving the town! She's been awake for a few days but this is the first day non-family has been allowed to visit. Come say hi, even if you don't know her. Maybe you were visiting your sick aunt or something.]

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[astra_inclinant]

Just those 5 words make her stomach turn over in a way that she thinks it probably shouldn't right now, and she grabs a chair so she can sit next to Genevieve on the same level instead of just hovering.

She's not used to Genevieve being vulnerable: maybe physically; she's gotten a little used to that, but it's sort of new for her not to have any front at all. "I'm here," she promises, quietly, and curls up sideways on the chair so she isn't really separated even by the width of her own legs. Maybe she's supposed to be upset, but she can't bring herself to be.

She just listens, almost frozen at the scope of the apology. "Seizures are definitely, definitely better than death," she says, then, "--stop apologizing. You're allowed to be a mess."

Mira takes a breath and tries for honesty. "I'm not going to say I wasn't hurt," she says, slowly. "But I was really self righteous, I said some things that were --" She shakes her head at herself. "Awful. And I'm sorry too. I've thought I was going to die exactly once, and it wasn't something I had to live with. The best I've got is thinking about you dying." She looks back up from where she's picking at her nails to look at Genevieve. "And it scared the hell out of me. Turns out I like you back. A lot."

You don't go searching the shoreline in the middle of a hurricane, essentially, for someone you're not a little bit in love with, but she's not sure it's okay to say that.

Instead she looks up. "Do you still?"

[weatherornot]

For some reason it made Genevieve feel better to have Mira admit that she had been kind of awful. It had seemed like some of what Mira had said was... not okay but Genevieve was so far up her own ass about everything she didn't exactly trust her judgement. She kind of felt better knowing that she wasn't the only one that had said something they regret.

"I couldn't stop caring about you even if I wanted to. Which I don't. I- I really like you. More than I've ever liked anyone else and I'd like to keep liking you," she said. Genevieve wasn't entirely sure if that made sense or was exactly what she meant but it was probably close enough. "Do you think I could... kind of back up? Reverse things back up from where I should have told you why I didn't do the serious thing and go from there?"

[astra_inclinant]

It's a bit of a struggle not to keep feeling awful, now that they're talking again. To examine every word she'd said under the microscope of how much Genevieve was and still is going through, to berate herself for being so shitty to someone she cares about a little more than she can wrap her brain around.

But feeling awful and unlikable doesn't do anything to mend that. Being a better person does.

Mira ducks away from the sentiment anyway, and looks back up, shy. She'd never expected any of this -- getting way too attached to Genevieve, she kind of counted on, but not in return -- and she feels a little like she can't breathe. She's sure she's blushing to her ears, and she nods, agreeing with the sentiment. "I'd like that," she says quietly, not sure if that means she'd like Genevieve to keep liking her, or if she'd like to keep liking her. Both. Both are completely true.

Mira nods, glancing up at her. "We can do that."

[weatherornot]

"So, uh, how about you climb up into bed with me and I can tell you all about this crappy medical thing I haven't told you about yet?" Genevieve asked, giving a pat on the side of the bed. She missed Mira so much since the last time she was in the hospital and they had their fight. She couldn't even explain how someone she'd only been sort of "dating" meant so much to her but Mira did. She thought she might actually need Mira, but she was pretty sure that would scare her away.

"Plus I like having you close."

[astra_inclinant]

posticon: in bed

It feels a little like something's been released in Mira's chest, some long breath she didn't know she'd been holding ever since they fought on Coop's birthday, certainly since that awful afternoon searching the beach. "I can do that too," she says with a breath of relief, and kicks off her sneakers to climb up next to Genevieve carefully, frowning for a second at IV cords and monitor wires. Genevieve seems so frail compared to what she's used to, and after seeing her comatose, it's good to get in next to her, to feel the warmth of her real and awake and tangible in the bed. "I like being close to you."

She tentatively reaches out to wrap her arm around Genevieve's waist. "Is this okay?"

"I can tell you about the stuff I brought you, so we can end on good news," she offers. "But tell me what's going on."

[weatherornot]

"Just watch those wandering hands of yours. My heart rate goes up and the nurses will come running," she said, trying to capture some of her old bravado. Just like she had refused to let her previous situation rule her life she wasn't going to let this change her either. At least not more than having long term plans now.

"So. I should have told you this earlier but... seizures. I'm going to have them. Probably sort of regularly. There's medication and I guess I can learn how to- how to have them safely if I sort of feel them coming on. But... it's going to happen. Again."

[astra_inclinant]

Mira laughs softly. "I will be the very model of restraint," she promises, and makes a very small face at the joke that she's totally walked into there. It's good, to laugh, and flirt. Even in a hospital bed, it seems more -- normal.

She goes serious when Genevieve starts to talk, chewing her lip. Her eyes widen unintentionally when Genevieve says the seizures will be regular. She can't help but think immediately of the way she looked at Coop's birthday, not just how close to death but how ---not-herself and helpless; she can't shake it from her mind. But seizures are a thing, they're a thing people have and deal with, she reminds herself, and anyway it's mostly horrible for Genevieve.

"That's awful," she says with a face, and curls closer. "I mean, at least we--at least you know that, now?" We seems presumptive. Even with her arm around Genevieve's waist. She tilts her head. "Are there things you can watch out for? Last time -- you really fell."

[weatherornot]

It felt so good to have Mira up in the bed with her. The nurses might not like it but Genevieve felt better right then than she had since she woke up so if anyone had a problem with it they could fuck off because Mira was magical and healing her. It was also nice to have someone to talk to this about although part of her was terrified that it would make Mira want to run. Mira was there for her first seizure and Genevieve had been able to tell it had really freaked her out. What if it was too much for the other girl?

"Yeah, most people have what I guess is called an aura? The feeling is different for most people but it's sort of an early warning sign. Sometimes it can be hours before and sometimes minutes. I guess I won't really know until it happens. Currently I'm freaking out any time I feel remotely weird."

[astra_inclinant]

Mira presses her lips together in a worried-sympathetic face. Worrying about having a seizure sounds maybe even worse than having one, for the person having it. The idea of Genevieve being scared makes something flare up in her.

She impulsively reaches to push a lock of hair away from Genevieve's face. "Try not to worry? That's not going to help. I know it must be really freaky." It's easy to fall into the role of the practical one. "You'll be okay. Even if you do have a seizure. You know? There are doctors here, and once you're out --" . She wants to tell Genevieve it'll be okay because she'll be there to take care of her and that's a lot to say even in her own head. Scarier because it's not that scary. "You'll be able to lie down until it's over."

Mira pauses. "Do you want me to stay here with you tonight? I mean, would you feel better, in case...?" She's not sure where they are exactly, but she wants to stay as long as she's welcome.

[weatherornot]

"I just want to have one and get it over with. I know that sounds stupid but once I know what happens then I can deal with it. The not knowing part is the worst part right now," Genevieve said. It was almost enough to tempt her to use her magic to try and force one but she didn't want that. They had told her that she should still be able to use magic and it wouldn't affect the seizures but at this point she kind of wanted to try just to try and hurry one along.

But she didn't want it to happen while Mira was here. She didn't need to see that. Eventually, if they stayed together or stayed friends she would probably see it. But right now... okay right now Genevieve didn't want Mira seeing her like that. Seeing her helpless.

"I do kind of want you to stay tonight but the beds here are pretty awful as you can tell. What I really want is for you to get a good sleep tonight and bring me a really awesome breakfast tomorrow. I would kill for some excellent crepes."

[astra_inclinant]

"No, I get that," Mira says. She doesn't want Genevieve to have to have seizures at all, but if she's going to anyway -- "Waiting is worse than anytihng." She remembers when she was having such bad nightmares, the way she had both dreaded the end of the day, falling asleep. Before she had started trying not to sleep at all: what a disaster. "I don't want you to have another one, but if you're going to anyway, I want you to know."

She laughs softly. "I can do that. Well, sleep and make you breakfast. I make no promises on excellence."

"Are you allowed to get out of bed at all? I can't imagine being stuck in here."

[weatherornot]

"Uhhh, I adore you Mira. I do. Like crazy. Totally smitten. But I didn't mean for you to actually make me breakfast, I was kind of hoping that you'd pick me up something. You know, that way we could ensure it would be really good," Genevieve said, her nose wrinkling a bit as she smiled at Mira. This felt so good she almost asked Mira to stay the night but just knowing that things were okay between them would be enough.

"And yeah, I get up and walk around a bit. I go longer and longer each day."

[astra_inclinant]

Mira laughs, realizing her error, and flushes pink -- only enhanced by being told she's adored. "Oh, god. Of course that's what you meant." She buries her face in the pillow. "I can not jump to the most crazy, complicated assumption, I promise. Yes. I will grab you crepes. That will probably actually still be hot by the time I get here."

"And, I um. Pretty much, adore you back," she says quietly, focusing a little off to the side before glancing up to meet Genevieve's eyes tentatively. "So... it doesn't sound too scary to make you breakfast." She's never had anyone just come right out and tell her they're crazy about her, except people like Davin who meant it in a genuine but purely platonic sense; she had steeled herself to not expect anything even remotely like it from Genevieve. Her heart is racing just a little. "Pretty nice, actually."

[weatherornot]

Hearing that Mira adored her, even after all the Genevieve had put her through, was too much and she immediately started to cry. She felt stupid because now Mira was really going to think she was a basket case but she couldn't help it. No one had ever cared for Genevieve like this or thought she was more than just a friend or a good fuck. But Mira made her feel like she was special. No, like she was the most special person in the world.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said, wiping at her eyes before she scared Mira out of the bed. "I just... you're amazing and wonderful and you think i'm special and I'm just being totally dumb. They're happy tears, I promise!"

[astra_inclinant]

Mira freezes, a little, eyes going wide. "Oh -- don't --" she starts, uselessly, and despite the fact that she's not 100 percent sure if it's a good reaction or a scared one, holds her a little closer.

"Oh," she blinks, soft and baffled, because -- "Of course I think you're special, that's not amazing," she says, because to her it's obvious. Yes, of course she thinks Genevieve's sexy, she's gorgeous. But she's also really interesting and fun, smart and determined, she cares so much about people --

She cares about Mira, which is a little crazy. Mira has never spent much time thinking about herself as precious to anyone - her first girlfriend spent a lot of time making sure she knew she was not the only option out there - but Genevieve makes her feel important, and beautiful.

Mira leans forward and kisses Genevieve, curled up close to her in the bed. "You're not dumb. Happy is good," she says, unable to avoid smiling. "Much better than you're-moving-way-too-fast tears," she adds with a soft laugh.

[weatherornot]

"And I am happy, happier than I've ever been. Because of you. And because I'm not going to die really soon," Genevieve said, because she didn't want to dump all of that onto Mira's lap all at once. She knew it was a bad idea to say that all of her happiness was wrapped up in Mira. And it wasn't. There was just a level of happiness there that she hadn't ever experienced before that was because of Mira.

"But no, I promise. Not moving too fast at all. At least not for me."

[astra_inclinant]

Mira flushes a little and kisses her nose where the tears have collected. "I am too," she says quietly with a tiny smile, as if that could describe the feeling inside her chest. She can't cry, because otherwise they're going to be doing this forever.

She takes a second to just lie there, face tucked close, curled up as much as they can in this awful bed and trying not to lie on monitor cords. Soak up the utter wonderful weirdness. It's like letting a breath out: for maybe a month now she's felt like everything inside her was tangled into increasingly taut knots. There's still so much that's complicated, to be afraid of, to not know, but right now everything feels conquerable.

"So...I made you something," she says, after a second. "And you can't laugh, because you're the one who said my ridiculous ass makes you happy," she adds, teasingly.

[weatherornot]

"Do you think, once I'm out, you can stay with me for a few nights?" Genevieve asked. The idea of being alone was scary. Eventually she would have to deal with the fact that someone couldn't be with her all the time in case she had a seizure but she felt like it was okay to want someone there for a bit. Even if she wasn't worried about that she would want Mira there. "Both because I'm scared and because I really like you being with me."

It was a difficult thing to admit but with Mira she could do it. There was a tiny fear that having changed Mira wouldn't like her as much anymore but she refused to listen to that voice. She could still be fearless, just in a better way.

"And I've never said your ass was ridiculous," she said with a smile. "Firm, hot, grabbable, distracting... I've said it was all those things. But I do love gifts."

[astra_inclinant]

Mira nods immediately, meeting her eyes. "Of course I will." Of course should maybe be a little strong of an answer, given that she has work and Etta's here and she's trying to sort through 24 years of stuff to move over to the new place,. But it doesn't feel like a strong answer: it feels totally natural, and she knows she'll find a way to be there. Her chest aches a little at Genevieve admitting she's scared: this whole thing has to be so hard. "We can cuddle, and you can teach me how to make Cajun food, and if anything happens I already know what to do," she points out in her determined tone.

She reaches to tangle her fingers into Genevieve's. "I'm glad you asked, anyway. I would want ..." Mira feels a little presumptive saying that she wants to be there, having walked in unsure of where they stood. Even with Genevieve having asked. But the horrifying hour in the hurricane looking for her, being told she was basically planning to kill herself via text, the last three weeks -- she can't even put into words how sickeningly awful it had felt. If everything could be safe and happy and smooth sailing for Genevieve forever, that would be great, but if something is going to happen, she wants to know.

"I'm scared too," she admits. "But it's better being with you."

Mira laughs. "Only you would be talking about grabbing my ass in a hospital bed," she teases, and tickles her gently before leaning back over, stretching over the side of the bed so she can grab at the tote bag without having to move.

"So, I got you some stuff I thought you might just need, being here? Chapstick -- owl chapstick, fair warning, this is who you're asking to spend more time with -- and some shower stuff, and a bunch of tea, and oh, my mom insisted on making cookies because she's my mom..."

"Anyway." She controls the ramble. "I also brought you this." She pulls the little mix tape out. In little handwritten script on the label it reads a force of nature, and she looks at it with a little tentative smile. It takes a long time to make a good mix tape, and she likes that about them; this one had perhaps taken longer than entirely necessary.
"And uh, headphones," she says, pulling out the little walkman. "Because no one has cassette players except me, which is sort of a downside to that."

[weatherornot]

It was all so much, because it meant that Mira had thought of all of this even before Genevieve had a chance to apologize for being a total bitch. Even after all she had put Mira through she was still ready to show Genevieve more kindness than she deserved. She was tempted to cry again but she gave a hiccuping sob and managed to hold back the tears with a beaming smile.

"I love cookies. And mix tapes. Do you seriously have some super old stereo at home that you used to make this? You're ridiculous but in the best way," she said, wiping at her eyes and she smiled. "And your mom is the best for making me cookies."

[astra_inclinant]

Mira grins at her smile and leans in impulsively to kiss her just beside her eye where a tearstain lingers. "You're not allowed to cry anymore," she says in faux sternness, although choosing or making presents that make people cry is like Mira's personal speciality and forever goal, really.

"This is hipster as hell, but my graduation present to myself was this little three in one. Records, cassettes, and CDs, and it records from one to the other." She can't hide how fond of it she is. "My car only has a tape deck, so that's how I got into them, but I really...like how much you have to think about mix tapes."

"I think my mom's philosophy is that food cures everything," she laughs softly. Mira chews on her lip a little. "There's no way she hasn't figured out how much I like you," she says; she's been thinking about it. Her parents are so left leaning and so okay with her friends regardless of sexuality; she's not sure why it's daunting to just say things to them. She really needs to.

[weatherornot]

"Happy tears only, I promise," she said, reaching up to wipe her face dry as well as she could. At least she cried prettily, without getting too puffy or with tons of snot. That was the last thing she needed when she had a bunch of tubes sticking out of her.

"And that is so hipster. But cute. When I'm feeling better we're going to dress in vintage dresses and dance to records on your record player. And I want to meet your parents too? It's only fair, right? I just... I don't want to scare you but I just want more of you in my life. I have for a while now but I didn't think I could."

[astra_inclinant]

Mira's embarrassed laugh brightens into a wide smile at the idea of dancing around to records. "Yes," she says, pleased, "I love this idea."

She blinks, surprised and gratified at what she says next. It shouldn't be that that pushes Mira to tears, but it is; her eyes go shiny almost immediately, and she flushes, unable to hide her self-conscious smile. "I. Yes, that's -- fair."

Her family means so much to her, more than she realizes sometimes. The idea of family, too. She's really done Genevieve a disservice by not sitting down and explaining, not sharing her feelings with anyone but Etta, because she means so much to her. Even when she thought she had no chance. But no one else has ever asked to meet her family. Lily certainly hadn't wanted that. And she had been trying very hard to respect that Genevieve didn't do official, and failing, a lot --

She waves a hand in fluster at her own emotion, making a little face. "Sorry, sorry -- happy," she gestures and hides against Genevieve's shoulder a little.

"You're not scaring me," she says softly, linking their fingers. "Kind of the opposite." She looks up at Genevieve from too-close. "It's a lot, you know? All at once. But in a really, really good way."

[weatherornot]

Genevieve smiled and nuzzled Mira a bit at the happy expression. She didn't know why but just an evening dancing to records seemed super fun. There were a lot of things she wanted to do with Mira that seemed kind of ridiculous but fun. All the couples things she never allowed herself to experience before.

"So, do you think it's in a good enough way that I could say you're my girlfriend?" Genevieve asked, squeezing Mira's hand. She felt that it didn't seem too bold, that it seemed obvious, but she wanted to make it official. There was already a little flutter in her stomach at just saying the word.

[astra_inclinant]

Mira grins, nuzzling her back, and leans her head in gently against Genevieve's. She's still feeling a little overwhelmed at all of this, at just the fact that Genevieve's okay, much less having this conversation, and it's good to close her eyes and breathe her in.

Sometimes -- sometimes -- things work out okay, in this crazy town.

She smiles, nervous and excited, and nods. "Yeah, it's -- definitely good enough. If you're sure you want to, I mean -- I'd...really like that." She laughs, aware she's babbling.

[weatherornot]

"Oh, I totally want," Genevieve reassured her, kissing the top of Mira's head. She couldn't help but feel all warm and fuzzy at the idea. Passion and heat and desire were things she was familiar with. And they were awesome things. Really awesome things. But this was a new feeling and it was also equally awesome in its own way and she really loved it. A lot.

"You're really good to me, Mira. And I don't know what I did to deserve it but I'm glad I did it."